Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
