yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
