stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
