If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
