I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
