i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize