When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
