youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize