8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
