I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
