I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
