In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
