Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Buhtt sex?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
