If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
