ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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