I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
