I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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