I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
