i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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