Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
