it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
