It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize