just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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