I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
