If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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