"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize