My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize