Your tits are I can't wait for
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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