How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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