I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize