I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
