don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
