What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
