Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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