Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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