dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
