how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
