I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
