found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
