yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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