she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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