I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
