so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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