it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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