mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
