wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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