I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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