I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
