Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
