My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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