My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
