i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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