My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
