you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
