if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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