this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
