In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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