Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
