if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
