I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
