I need help removing her.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
