Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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