last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
