its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
