the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
