wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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