Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize