enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
