Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize