the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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