If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't turn off my feet"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize