Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
