It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize