did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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