Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
