dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
